"Welcome to your final," Biff said, smiling evilly. "You will be confronted with a series of multiple choice options in this hour. Use what you have learned in this class about major world religions to pick correctly. Afterwards, you may celebrate with pizza."

He paused.

"Just not here. I'm tired of all of you. Have a good summer."

Biff got halfway through his opening sentence of "Today we're going to talk about--" when lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone out from him, and his hair looked like a shampoo ad.

And Biff was sore annoyed.

"Azriel?"

The blonde man in the dress robes nodded his head placidly ( Read more... )

"Today I get to bitch about talk about the Twelve," Biff said with a slightly predatory gleam to his eyes. "Of course, there were fifteen of us, when you add in me, Josh, and Maggie." He frowned. "Who wasn't a harlot and I have no idea how that rumor got started. Probably her ex-husband ( Read more... )

"I'm sure you're all familiar with the Beatitudes," Biff said, looking at his class while they assembled around giant tables filled with all kinds of fruit and rolls of plastic wrap. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, the peacemakers, the meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness…" He made a "blah, blah, blah" gesture with his hand. "I was ( Read more... )

"There was kind of an important religious holiday on Sunday, huh?" Biff asked, passing out chocolate eggs and bunnies ( Read more... )

Today the Danger Shop was configured to look like a shore.

And on that shore, there was an elephant.

And next to that elephant was a teacher holding a series of handouts"Today, we're teaching yoga to an elephant," he said, pointing at the elephant. "Well, you are. I've already done that ( Read more... )

Biff was wearing saffron-colored robes and sitting in the center of the floor ( Read more... )

Biff walked into the Danger Room and sang out, "Midterrrrrrrrrrrrm!"

Then blinked.

Because he had actually sung out that word. Weird.

"Today we are having a midterm," he continued as the music swelled around him in a distinctly West-Side Story kind of way.
"and suddenly you'll see
how miserable a man I be...He frowned, but grammar must give way ( Read more... )

Biff gestured around the Danger Room. "Welcome to China," he said. Mountains could be seen all around them and it was definitely chillier than it had been in any of the other classes. "Today we begin our study of Buddhism, so you're going to need to change into these robes ( Read more... )

When the students met again, they were in a room with a series of low tables and pillows to sit on ( Read more... )